question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
