Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize