Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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