i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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