so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
