i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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