like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
