Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
