and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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