Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
