She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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