wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
