he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
