Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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