we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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