meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
