If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dignity is for republicans.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
