i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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