Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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