dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
