It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
