Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
