Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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