how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we made out on top of his cat.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize