So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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