I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
