she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
