I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
