You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
