hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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