i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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