Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.

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(519): View more from Ontario

i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep

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(410): View more from Maryland

i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself

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(917): View more from New York City

i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley

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(616): View more from Michigan

I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed

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(425): View more from Washington

If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.

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