When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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