it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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