a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
