I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
