I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
