I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he was CRYING into my vagina
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
