He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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