I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
