there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I could fuck to npr.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
