Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
