I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize