Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i drank out of a bidet.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
