I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
