Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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