I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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