I think my fart just growled at me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
