as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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