Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
