mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
