It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
