i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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