just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
People in love make me want to vomit
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
