shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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