Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
