is your mom at the bar?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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