My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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