New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
