goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Too much gin, very little bucket
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
