dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Panties = found
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
